walking as freedom bringers

And we shall come,

Bearing hands that break chains

Hands and tongues bringing freedom

Authority not of ourselves

Authority of Jesus Christ

I AM

Open your mouths

I will flow forth my truth

Come carrying my yoke

The yoke that is easy

Break the chains of injustice

Leave the shattered shackles at the altar

Walk forward in freedom, truth, and love

Then will the doors be removed from their hinges

Then will the walls between your church gatherings and your community fall

Then revival, then Pentecost

Then the world will know, fall in worship

Then will I be back for you

Walk as freedom bringers

Bright lights

Consuming fires

Walk and let people see my salvation because of you

Go and be!

Though you have no words let me speak through you

My appointed generation,

‘For such a time as this’

Time to brag on God… my personal wake up call.

“But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds.” Psalm 73:28

Ok, time to brag on God a bit here. Seriously, God is AWESOME!!!! Have you ever just sat back and thought about all the stuff God is doing in and around you and felt like your head was going to explode because it wouldn’t all fit in there? Welcome to my last few months. In the last month and a half God has especially shown just how glorious He can be. I’ve attempted countless times to put it into words, and in every instance I fall short. It’s a new sense of purpose. A new urgency, and it’s exciting!

To give you the full picture I’ve actually got to go back to July, the 25th to be exact. I was sitting on the floor of Sugar Creek Baptist church, crying, miserable, confused, and angry. I was talking to God in a room where the Holy Spirit was in every crevasse, people were being saved, and kids were on their faces. The topic of our conversation in a nutshell: “God, what is wrong with me?” I told God I didn’t understand my lack of urgency. I didn’t understand how a few weeks before I could be in Ethiopia, on fire, in the word, sensitive to the Spirit, caring about people dying and going to hell and now I was in America, and I didn’t care. I wanted to care. I wanted to have the same passion, to love, to minister. But I didn’t know how, I didn’t feel it. All I knew how to do in America was want-to-want God and long for Ethiopia. So I got on my face. I wept. I talked honestly with him. I asked Him to fix me, and He answered. He told me I didn’t have to feel it. I had to do one thing that would lead to the rest happening… surrender. One easy word… so incredibly hard to actually do. The process began. Incredibly slow at times, insanely accelerated at others.

Fast forward to today and I am overwhelmed what God has brought me into and through and is preparing to do. In the last few months he has brought me incredible new, strong friendships, based solely on Christ and making him known to the world. He has strengthened old friendships the same way. He has brought intense accountability that is so hard, but so rewarding and freeing. He has brought a fresh passion and experience of His Holy Spirit, the almost lost person of the trinity in my life. He has brought random strangers in the midst of their suffering, and allowed me the chance to tell about a God who loves them. Just in the last few days he has brought a prayed for and long desired mentor for even more intense learning and accountability. And one of the most overwhelming things He has brought is a boldness to speak truth, actually to speak at all. He is giving me a voice and I’m attempting to practice using it, seeking his wisdom in every word. He is giving us a vision of a new Pentecost. A time that we can say the message God speaks through us is cutting to the heart and new believers are being added daily to our numbers. (Acts 2:37-47)

The challenge for us as believers is this: It’s time to WAKE UP! God had to wake me up in a crazy in your face way. It’s time to be more passionate, humble, sold-out, bold, real, and on our faces than ever before. God is working, and trust me you don’t want to miss out on this. It’s exciting! It makes you feel like singing, dancing, staying up all night praying, fasting, shouting, weeping, praising God, and falling on your face all at the same time, and it’s the best feeling in the world. Get on board. You’ll never be the same and you’ll never regret it. Praying for you all, that God would wreck your world the way he has been wrecking mine lately. Love you.

Face Down, Beginning of the Answer to a Cry For Something Real…

Tonight I sat in a room with a generation of people who are increasingly unsatisfied, and I praise God for them. I praise God because as I listened to them pray I realized just how disillusioned they are, we are, with the things this world has offered us, the things the church at times has offered us, and the things we have settled for. I listened as they cried out for more, literally fell face down and cried out to God. I have been a part of several of these types of prayer meetings now. Times in which denomination, theology, and arguments don’t mean a thing. These times have been filled with more honesty than I’ve seen in years, more passion almost than I’ve seen in a lifetime. The game of church isn’t enough anymore for these crusaders. They want depth. They want change. These are the so-called radicals of our day, but when I look at them I see what we are meant to be. Our hearts emptied of self, prostrate, seeking the Lord. These aren’t radical ideas… it’s what the church is supposed to be. So, why does it look so opposite of what we’re used to seeing? Why does it seem so much more alive than our common understanding of church? I had a moment tonight, sandwiched cozily between two of my sister in Christ, listening to the sounds of God’s children weeping (my own added in that mix) where it just sort of clicked in my mind. This is the church. This is community. Oh, that this would be the mental image people get when the word church comes to their mind. That instead of the words hypocrite, judgmental, and legalistic coming to people’s minds the words love, support, compassion, brokenness, and family would come to peoples minds. I praise God for the people he has placed in my life lately who have helped me realize it’s possible for these words to describe the church. For the people who have helped me realize that it’s possible for us to be a place that actually stands for love. These are the ones who challenge me to keep moving forward and keep striving to represent Christ more and more. These are the people who make me believe the church can be a family, and can actually make a change in this world for the better. With eyes still sore, tears threatening to invade again, and an overwhelming feeling that I should still be on my face, this is our prayer:

Empty us Holy Spirit! Destroy what we thought we knew. Destroy our perceptions. Destroy our way of playing church. Destroy our idea of necessity and our need for comfort! Instead rebuild children who possess YOUR HEART! Give us a mind full of your love and compassion. ABBA GOD, transform us into the bride you alone deserve and conform us to your desire. May we be left unfulfilled and completely dissatisfied by anything other than you.  REVIEVE US LORD! Make us the servants you desire, that you may receive all the glory due your powerful name. Change us LORD. Start now. We’re ready for something real…

Stolen Hearts

Everything we experience in life has its share of moments both good and bad. Ministry is no exception. Every year we go to Ethiopia and in some ways the place feels like a wreck, but in others it feels like they have it all together. Their grasp of community continually overwhelms me. Their love is something almost inexpressibly beautiful. We have always seen the affects of poverty and obviously the basic repercussions of sin that you will see in all people, but I’ve had few interactions in which I’ve had to see the ugly side of this country. This year I had the sad opportunity to see the results of the fall are still alive and well in this country of my heart and that the relationships there can be just as broken as they are anywhere else. I have now seen more clearly than one would really want to, that even here the decisions others make are very capable of breaking relationships. All that said God has also shown that He has the amazing power to redeem these situations. Shown that in the midst of broken relationships and hearts he will bring new people, relationships, and opportunities.  In hindsight I have seen that had some of these situations not occurred all the things that happened during our time in Ethiopia would have been completely different, and I may have never been to Surupa, Ethiopia. And that my friends would have been a real shame. As I write this it strikes me that this post may seem incredibly vague due to a lack of details, but I pray that God would speak in spite of a somewhat vague theme. The reason for the background, as vague as it may be is to set up an excerpt from my journal and the lessons it has taught me, both then and as I have come home to reflect on it. I wrote this section of my journal after having a conversation with a few of my teammates about the happenings, which ultimately shaped the new direction of our teams’ work. As we talked and as my heart was wrenched by the topic of our conversation part of me immediately asked the question we so often ask God, “WHY?” Why do people have to fall? Why do relationships have to be broken? Why does all of this stuff have to hurt so dang much? As I later retreated to my room, to a somewhat sleepless night full of these types of questions God answered with one simple word: SIN. Of course, I thought to myself. This is sort of the answer we always know and then hope to add a thousand addendums and “but God” replies to. Instead of asking “But why?” I decided to ask, “So what do I do with this broken state we are in?” The answer was both simple and complex. The answer was to do exactly what He brought me to Ethiopia to do, love people and point them to Christ. In that moment I was overwhelmed with a sense of urgency. In that moment it was specifically for Ethiopia, later I would find revisions being made to that urgency. In response this is what I picked up my pen and wrote…

“Here we are in the land that has stolen our hearts. A land full of people who understand love and community. A land of orphans, widows, poverty and painful situations. Yet in the midst of it all, it is a place full of joy and love. A land full of overcomers, smiles, and laughter. It is here that we have fallen in love, some of us for the first time. Our hearts stood no chance. We should have seen it coming. The children standing in the doorways waving and smiling, the men in the fields plowing their crops, the women walking miles in their bright colors to get water for their families. In these moments, in their faces our hearts ran away never to return to us the same. As we look at them we would have it no other way. As each moment passes we only fall more in love with them, wishing we could stay forever living life with them. The day will come and we will have to go, but until then we will drink deeply of each moment. We will talk, laugh, cry, and learn to love more intensely than we ever thought possible. We will sing and dance and relish in these moments in which our hearts are continuing to be stolen and willingly given away, taking exceeding joy in the land our hearts now crave.”

Almost a week later sitting at my home back in Texas this response seems as appropriate as ever and the urgency pulls at my heart almost as clear as that broken night in a hotel room in Addis. Only as I now reflect I realize that the urgency is not just for Ethiopia, it’s for people. It’s for the people right here in the place God has me the other 11 months of the year. I have been overwhelmed again in the last week by the things God is stirring up in my own community. I am seeing, though not by any means for the first time, the result of broken relationships here but I’m also seeing the power of real love. I’m seeing the power of community. The power that comes with drinking deeply of each moment right here at home and having my heart stolen by the people God has me with each and every day. God is teaching me how to love America. That might sound strange to many of you, to others it will make perfect sense. Above all I guess the lesson I’m in the process of learning and would challenge you with would be to waste nothing, to love recklessly, to treasure each moment, and to give of yourself without holding anything back. I’m by no means perfect at any of these things, but so far just attempting them has brought more joy and fulfillment than even my long-winded words can describe.

Day 1– እግዜር ይስጥልኝ

As previously stated I am attempting to be better this year about sharing all that the Lord did in Ethiopia this year. Having said that I can honestly say that I am more anxious to share than I have ever been. Usually at this time I am dealing with reverse culture shock, which is often much more intense than it’s counterpart. This year I find myself struggling not to write out my entire journal and post it in this moment. Rather than hastily blurting it all out at once I will refrain a bit. I do want to take you through the entire journey. I will be quoting in many instances directly from my journal in an attempt to be as raw and unedited as possible, this with the hope that you could see honestly from my heart. I want to you to see all that the Lord has done and is doing, both in the country of Ethiopia and very personally with me. That second one sort of sounds completely frightening to me, but I’m learning that when God wants you to be real it’s better to stop being an idiot and obey Him. I don’t know why He wants me to share, but I can’t shake it. So rather than fighting I’m attempting surrender. If it’s anything like the last two weeks of my life have been He will prove true and overwhelmingly glorious, and I can’t wait to watch it play out. So welcome to my adventure, His adventure in me. Where better to start than day 1…

Ethiopia 6/28/2010: “And so it begins, day one in country. Currently sitting in a bus in the rain in Addis. Sitting here on this bus I may have just learned my favorite Amharic phrase: Xabier yeesteline.”

When we go on these trips we expect God to speak to us, to challenge us, change us. However, of all the things God could use I never anticipated He would speak directly to my soul in a language that was not even my own. On this, the first day in country the Lord bent down and spoke directly to me through the language of the people I was here to love. Even more so He taught me in a phrase that was coined for beggars. I was intrigued by this phrase so I did a little research with my Ethiopian friends. Xabier yeesteline is a phrase people say specifically to beggars, when one has nothing to give to them. It literally means, “May God provide on my behalf.” As I mulled this phrase and idea over in my mind I was overwhelmed. This still holds true as I sit at my computer screen back in Texas. We serve a God who is provider. Often when we go to countries like Ethiopia, and in all honesty even here in America we are overwhelmed by needs. We become paralyzed by where to start, thinking that one person can’t make a difference in all this mess, so we often do nothing. But, God calls us to action not just conversation, not just comfortable fellowship. In this phrase my heart was shaken. It was a good wake up call for day 1 in Ethiopia, and it’s a good wake up call as I sit here back in America. At times in our lives we may be left with nothing left to give but an ‘Xabier yeesteline’ but in other moments we are called to be the answer to the many ‘xabier yeestelines’ the broken people that surround us have been given their entire lives.

“What a powerful image of Christ. Even when we have nothing left to give these people, He comes and provides for them on our behalf. May we be for some of these the answer to the many ‘xabier yeesteline’ they have received in their lives.”

The Call

Ethiopia. Amazing as always. I always struggle with putting these experiences to words. I often find myself in the hours following my return, with the silly answer of, “Yeah, it was a great trip.” On this trip however God struck me with the importance of sharing my stories, of using my voice. A little time for digestion is always necessary, but I intend on speaking and sharing as often as I can about what the LORD has accomplished over these last two weeks. Mostly because what He did was something only He could accomplish, and nothing I had any power to do. He deserves all the glory, and lots of it. So here is an attempt at a first taste. It’s a bit raw, unedited, and written in a bus, on a dirt road in Africa, but I pray it serves as a window to my heart. God told me to share, so I trust He has a reason. Enjoy…

The call is clear. It holds no stipulations and has no contingency plans. It just is: GO! The eyes of children, affected by hunger and poverty and suffering of every kind and yet still so full of joy, beckon. The women, who work harder than anyone could imagine and yet are often left uneducated and unvoiced, call out. The men, who work relentlessly to provide and are often left in poverty praying their families survive, cry out from the depths of their souls. Come. Help. In their eyes the call is clearer than ever. Go! The call, which is echoed out, to the expanse of eternity from the aching depths of desperate souls now needs an answer. A plea for someone, anyone to answer back. I’m coming… In that answer joy is found. Hope is promised. Hearts are bound. Love is poured out without limitations or regrets. Sufferings, trials, and tears may not be banished forever by this answer, but momentarily they are overwhelmed by something greater. Hope. It is this hope mixed with love and truth, which changes the world. It is this blend that is set to shake the foundations and change lives forever. So as the journey moves forward under this banner of truth and love that call continues ringing out to the farthest corners of creation. Until finally it comes, the thing longed for since the beginning. Here I am… Comfort has no place here. Only obedience. In this answer lives, necessities, and love are redefined. In this moment everything has more meaning. Now nothing matters but the call, the people, the answer, and the actions it produces. With those three words, so easy yet so complex, nothing will ever be the same. Adventure, love, suffering, and joy wait. And I would never choose anything else. Here I am…

looking in for healing

Sometimes you just want the pain to go away and it won’t. Sometimes being introspective is the most frightening thing in the world, because when you really quiet yourself and look inward all it brings up is pain. Because when you look intently inward you often see things long covered over and buried. Things buried for good reason. But maybe now it’s time. Time to face the monsters long hibernating in the caves of your heart and soul. Maybe, just maybe if we face them head on we will no longer have anything to fear. Maybe the pain will be a breeding ground for healing and freedom. Maybe the silence of God will give way to intimacy and He will be more real than ever. Time to embrace moments of silence, hours of lingering discomfort, days of confronting things hard to face, that the result may be beautiful peace and freedom from things we had long since forgotten were holding us captive.

Giving God our stuff or giving Him our lives…

Tonight God gave me the opportunity to share at my old churches youth group about my trip to Ethiopia. I did your typical telling about what we did and showing some pictures and then I told them about some things that God has been laying on my heart. I thought maybe I would share those things with you here as well.

Since I’ve been back from Ethiopia God has been working on a lot of things in my heart. One thing that continues to attract my attention and hog my thoughts has been the poverty of Ethiopia verses the almost overwhelmingly materialistic lifestyle of most Americans. I know that I have struggled with the need for stuff, as have many other people I’ve talked to. But as I came home and traveled directly to California and then came back home it was like I was smacked in the face with stuff. I mean I came home and sat in my room, looked around and almost got sick to my stomach at how much stuff I have been able to accumulate in my years on this earth. All I could think was this is all so unnecessary. Sunday I heard two sermons, which once again pounded this theme into my head. The thoughts I shared with the youth group were not necessarily about our personal struggles with materialism but more about how materialism may effect us a church.

When I was in Ethiopia I saw some of the most pure worship I have ever seen in my life. I mean I sat in rooms with people who basically had nothing but they poured themselves out heart and soul before God. This what God was talking about when he said he wants us to worship him in spirit and truth. Their worship just seemed so untainted by the things of this world. They didn’t have or need power points, bulletins, fancy sound systems, or stained glass windows they just had each other and time they had set aside to come together and worship God.  I think sometimes as I sit in churches in America that we almost let our things pervert our worship to God. I know that God has allowed us to live in a land of plenty and I’m not saying we should necessarily give up everything and live lives of poverty. What I’m trying to say is that we should be giving God the best of ourselves, not our stuff. I think that maybe we have let our worship become us saying, “Here God, take the best of my possessions as my worship.” And instead God is saying, “I don’t want the best of your possessions, I want the best of who you are. I just want you.” I think that instead of always giving God our stuff we should be pouring out our lives as an offering for him. God has all things in this world already, what he wants is your pure and undivided worship and love of Him. So I guess the challenge is this: Don’t let the things God has allowed you to have taint your worship, love, and reverence for Him. I think when we follow after Him and worship and love him with all of who we are everything else will seem so much less important.