Time to brag on God… my personal wake up call.

“But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds.” Psalm 73:28

Ok, time to brag on God a bit here. Seriously, God is AWESOME!!!! Have you ever just sat back and thought about all the stuff God is doing in and around you and felt like your head was going to explode because it wouldn’t all fit in there? Welcome to my last few months. In the last month and a half God has especially shown just how glorious He can be. I’ve attempted countless times to put it into words, and in every instance I fall short. It’s a new sense of purpose. A new urgency, and it’s exciting!

To give you the full picture I’ve actually got to go back to July, the 25th to be exact. I was sitting on the floor of Sugar Creek Baptist church, crying, miserable, confused, and angry. I was talking to God in a room where the Holy Spirit was in every crevasse, people were being saved, and kids were on their faces. The topic of our conversation in a nutshell: “God, what is wrong with me?” I told God I didn’t understand my lack of urgency. I didn’t understand how a few weeks before I could be in Ethiopia, on fire, in the word, sensitive to the Spirit, caring about people dying and going to hell and now I was in America, and I didn’t care. I wanted to care. I wanted to have the same passion, to love, to minister. But I didn’t know how, I didn’t feel it. All I knew how to do in America was want-to-want God and long for Ethiopia. So I got on my face. I wept. I talked honestly with him. I asked Him to fix me, and He answered. He told me I didn’t have to feel it. I had to do one thing that would lead to the rest happening… surrender. One easy word… so incredibly hard to actually do. The process began. Incredibly slow at times, insanely accelerated at others.

Fast forward to today and I am overwhelmed what God has brought me into and through and is preparing to do. In the last few months he has brought me incredible new, strong friendships, based solely on Christ and making him known to the world. He has strengthened old friendships the same way. He has brought intense accountability that is so hard, but so rewarding and freeing. He has brought a fresh passion and experience of His Holy Spirit, the almost lost person of the trinity in my life. He has brought random strangers in the midst of their suffering, and allowed me the chance to tell about a God who loves them. Just in the last few days he has brought a prayed for and long desired mentor for even more intense learning and accountability. And one of the most overwhelming things He has brought is a boldness to speak truth, actually to speak at all. He is giving me a voice and I’m attempting to practice using it, seeking his wisdom in every word. He is giving us a vision of a new Pentecost. A time that we can say the message God speaks through us is cutting to the heart and new believers are being added daily to our numbers. (Acts 2:37-47)

The challenge for us as believers is this: It’s time to WAKE UP! God had to wake me up in a crazy in your face way. It’s time to be more passionate, humble, sold-out, bold, real, and on our faces than ever before. God is working, and trust me you don’t want to miss out on this. It’s exciting! It makes you feel like singing, dancing, staying up all night praying, fasting, shouting, weeping, praising God, and falling on your face all at the same time, and it’s the best feeling in the world. Get on board. You’ll never be the same and you’ll never regret it. Praying for you all, that God would wreck your world the way he has been wrecking mine lately. Love you.

Stolen Hearts

Everything we experience in life has its share of moments both good and bad. Ministry is no exception. Every year we go to Ethiopia and in some ways the place feels like a wreck, but in others it feels like they have it all together. Their grasp of community continually overwhelms me. Their love is something almost inexpressibly beautiful. We have always seen the affects of poverty and obviously the basic repercussions of sin that you will see in all people, but I’ve had few interactions in which I’ve had to see the ugly side of this country. This year I had the sad opportunity to see the results of the fall are still alive and well in this country of my heart and that the relationships there can be just as broken as they are anywhere else. I have now seen more clearly than one would really want to, that even here the decisions others make are very capable of breaking relationships. All that said God has also shown that He has the amazing power to redeem these situations. Shown that in the midst of broken relationships and hearts he will bring new people, relationships, and opportunities.  In hindsight I have seen that had some of these situations not occurred all the things that happened during our time in Ethiopia would have been completely different, and I may have never been to Surupa, Ethiopia. And that my friends would have been a real shame. As I write this it strikes me that this post may seem incredibly vague due to a lack of details, but I pray that God would speak in spite of a somewhat vague theme. The reason for the background, as vague as it may be is to set up an excerpt from my journal and the lessons it has taught me, both then and as I have come home to reflect on it. I wrote this section of my journal after having a conversation with a few of my teammates about the happenings, which ultimately shaped the new direction of our teams’ work. As we talked and as my heart was wrenched by the topic of our conversation part of me immediately asked the question we so often ask God, “WHY?” Why do people have to fall? Why do relationships have to be broken? Why does all of this stuff have to hurt so dang much? As I later retreated to my room, to a somewhat sleepless night full of these types of questions God answered with one simple word: SIN. Of course, I thought to myself. This is sort of the answer we always know and then hope to add a thousand addendums and “but God” replies to. Instead of asking “But why?” I decided to ask, “So what do I do with this broken state we are in?” The answer was both simple and complex. The answer was to do exactly what He brought me to Ethiopia to do, love people and point them to Christ. In that moment I was overwhelmed with a sense of urgency. In that moment it was specifically for Ethiopia, later I would find revisions being made to that urgency. In response this is what I picked up my pen and wrote…

“Here we are in the land that has stolen our hearts. A land full of people who understand love and community. A land of orphans, widows, poverty and painful situations. Yet in the midst of it all, it is a place full of joy and love. A land full of overcomers, smiles, and laughter. It is here that we have fallen in love, some of us for the first time. Our hearts stood no chance. We should have seen it coming. The children standing in the doorways waving and smiling, the men in the fields plowing their crops, the women walking miles in their bright colors to get water for their families. In these moments, in their faces our hearts ran away never to return to us the same. As we look at them we would have it no other way. As each moment passes we only fall more in love with them, wishing we could stay forever living life with them. The day will come and we will have to go, but until then we will drink deeply of each moment. We will talk, laugh, cry, and learn to love more intensely than we ever thought possible. We will sing and dance and relish in these moments in which our hearts are continuing to be stolen and willingly given away, taking exceeding joy in the land our hearts now crave.”

Almost a week later sitting at my home back in Texas this response seems as appropriate as ever and the urgency pulls at my heart almost as clear as that broken night in a hotel room in Addis. Only as I now reflect I realize that the urgency is not just for Ethiopia, it’s for people. It’s for the people right here in the place God has me the other 11 months of the year. I have been overwhelmed again in the last week by the things God is stirring up in my own community. I am seeing, though not by any means for the first time, the result of broken relationships here but I’m also seeing the power of real love. I’m seeing the power of community. The power that comes with drinking deeply of each moment right here at home and having my heart stolen by the people God has me with each and every day. God is teaching me how to love America. That might sound strange to many of you, to others it will make perfect sense. Above all I guess the lesson I’m in the process of learning and would challenge you with would be to waste nothing, to love recklessly, to treasure each moment, and to give of yourself without holding anything back. I’m by no means perfect at any of these things, but so far just attempting them has brought more joy and fulfillment than even my long-winded words can describe.