walking as freedom bringers

And we shall come,

Bearing hands that break chains

Hands and tongues bringing freedom

Authority not of ourselves

Authority of Jesus Christ

I AM

Open your mouths

I will flow forth my truth

Come carrying my yoke

The yoke that is easy

Break the chains of injustice

Leave the shattered shackles at the altar

Walk forward in freedom, truth, and love

Then will the doors be removed from their hinges

Then will the walls between your church gatherings and your community fall

Then revival, then Pentecost

Then the world will know, fall in worship

Then will I be back for you

Walk as freedom bringers

Bright lights

Consuming fires

Walk and let people see my salvation because of you

Go and be!

Though you have no words let me speak through you

My appointed generation,

‘For such a time as this’

Time to brag on God… my personal wake up call.

“But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds.” Psalm 73:28

Ok, time to brag on God a bit here. Seriously, God is AWESOME!!!! Have you ever just sat back and thought about all the stuff God is doing in and around you and felt like your head was going to explode because it wouldn’t all fit in there? Welcome to my last few months. In the last month and a half God has especially shown just how glorious He can be. I’ve attempted countless times to put it into words, and in every instance I fall short. It’s a new sense of purpose. A new urgency, and it’s exciting!

To give you the full picture I’ve actually got to go back to July, the 25th to be exact. I was sitting on the floor of Sugar Creek Baptist church, crying, miserable, confused, and angry. I was talking to God in a room where the Holy Spirit was in every crevasse, people were being saved, and kids were on their faces. The topic of our conversation in a nutshell: “God, what is wrong with me?” I told God I didn’t understand my lack of urgency. I didn’t understand how a few weeks before I could be in Ethiopia, on fire, in the word, sensitive to the Spirit, caring about people dying and going to hell and now I was in America, and I didn’t care. I wanted to care. I wanted to have the same passion, to love, to minister. But I didn’t know how, I didn’t feel it. All I knew how to do in America was want-to-want God and long for Ethiopia. So I got on my face. I wept. I talked honestly with him. I asked Him to fix me, and He answered. He told me I didn’t have to feel it. I had to do one thing that would lead to the rest happening… surrender. One easy word… so incredibly hard to actually do. The process began. Incredibly slow at times, insanely accelerated at others.

Fast forward to today and I am overwhelmed what God has brought me into and through and is preparing to do. In the last few months he has brought me incredible new, strong friendships, based solely on Christ and making him known to the world. He has strengthened old friendships the same way. He has brought intense accountability that is so hard, but so rewarding and freeing. He has brought a fresh passion and experience of His Holy Spirit, the almost lost person of the trinity in my life. He has brought random strangers in the midst of their suffering, and allowed me the chance to tell about a God who loves them. Just in the last few days he has brought a prayed for and long desired mentor for even more intense learning and accountability. And one of the most overwhelming things He has brought is a boldness to speak truth, actually to speak at all. He is giving me a voice and I’m attempting to practice using it, seeking his wisdom in every word. He is giving us a vision of a new Pentecost. A time that we can say the message God speaks through us is cutting to the heart and new believers are being added daily to our numbers. (Acts 2:37-47)

The challenge for us as believers is this: It’s time to WAKE UP! God had to wake me up in a crazy in your face way. It’s time to be more passionate, humble, sold-out, bold, real, and on our faces than ever before. God is working, and trust me you don’t want to miss out on this. It’s exciting! It makes you feel like singing, dancing, staying up all night praying, fasting, shouting, weeping, praising God, and falling on your face all at the same time, and it’s the best feeling in the world. Get on board. You’ll never be the same and you’ll never regret it. Praying for you all, that God would wreck your world the way he has been wrecking mine lately. Love you.

Face Down, Beginning of the Answer to a Cry For Something Real…

Tonight I sat in a room with a generation of people who are increasingly unsatisfied, and I praise God for them. I praise God because as I listened to them pray I realized just how disillusioned they are, we are, with the things this world has offered us, the things the church at times has offered us, and the things we have settled for. I listened as they cried out for more, literally fell face down and cried out to God. I have been a part of several of these types of prayer meetings now. Times in which denomination, theology, and arguments don’t mean a thing. These times have been filled with more honesty than I’ve seen in years, more passion almost than I’ve seen in a lifetime. The game of church isn’t enough anymore for these crusaders. They want depth. They want change. These are the so-called radicals of our day, but when I look at them I see what we are meant to be. Our hearts emptied of self, prostrate, seeking the Lord. These aren’t radical ideas… it’s what the church is supposed to be. So, why does it look so opposite of what we’re used to seeing? Why does it seem so much more alive than our common understanding of church? I had a moment tonight, sandwiched cozily between two of my sister in Christ, listening to the sounds of God’s children weeping (my own added in that mix) where it just sort of clicked in my mind. This is the church. This is community. Oh, that this would be the mental image people get when the word church comes to their mind. That instead of the words hypocrite, judgmental, and legalistic coming to people’s minds the words love, support, compassion, brokenness, and family would come to peoples minds. I praise God for the people he has placed in my life lately who have helped me realize it’s possible for these words to describe the church. For the people who have helped me realize that it’s possible for us to be a place that actually stands for love. These are the ones who challenge me to keep moving forward and keep striving to represent Christ more and more. These are the people who make me believe the church can be a family, and can actually make a change in this world for the better. With eyes still sore, tears threatening to invade again, and an overwhelming feeling that I should still be on my face, this is our prayer:

Empty us Holy Spirit! Destroy what we thought we knew. Destroy our perceptions. Destroy our way of playing church. Destroy our idea of necessity and our need for comfort! Instead rebuild children who possess YOUR HEART! Give us a mind full of your love and compassion. ABBA GOD, transform us into the bride you alone deserve and conform us to your desire. May we be left unfulfilled and completely dissatisfied by anything other than you.  REVIEVE US LORD! Make us the servants you desire, that you may receive all the glory due your powerful name. Change us LORD. Start now. We’re ready for something real…

Making It Real

6/30/10 “The first day of walking the streets of Surupa is now complete. That was intense. I am amazed at how something can be so easy and yet so complex and difficult at the same time. It seems so easy to tell them the story and have them say yes, they want to believe. But then they walk away from us and if it’s real their lives change. We don’t often see the harsher sides of that change. In the past we have connected them with local believers and gone on with the work we had to do. Today however I saw a glimpse of the harshness of that change. Today I witnessed persecution first hand and it broke a part of me. Persecution, a term we in the American church talk about but hardly ever see. A thing that is a daily reality for many of our brothers and sisters.”

For the first few days we were in Surupa our team split into 3 groups and basically went house-to-house evangelizing. On day one in the center of town my group encountered an older man. He said he wanted to hear what we had to say and as we shared Christ with him, his whole demeanor changed. By the time we were finished sharing he had decided this was something he wanted and he told us as much. We prayed with him and after we said amen he asked us to come to his home and share this good news with his family. As soon as we approached his house and the man and our translators began talking to his family two of the women began shouting and pulling at him. It did not take a common language to understand what was happening, these women were angry. You know what they say about the furry of a woman’s scorn… Our translator told us that these women were persecuting this man because they were Orthodox and were not happy about his decision. He told us it would be better for us to leave. In that moment I didn’t like the idea of leaving this man to be yelled out, but we have been taught to listen to our local partners. After all they know what the angry people are saying and we don’t. As we walked a way I felt a strange mixture of joy, knowing he was now a brother, and sadness, knowing that this fact meant he was now a sort of outcast….

“They said they did not want us there and our translator told us we should leave. I felt so helpless and I also felt like we were abandoning our new brother. It made me feel like all we did was pray with him and then send him to the wolves alone. It was overwhelmingly sad. We left with a promise to pray for him and find him later in the week so he could receive discipleship.”

We did find the man later for discipleship and looking back I knew that what we did was all we could do. In this instance and in several other similar instances on this trip God made what we were doing more real in a way than I think I’ve ever experienced. I’ve intellectually known for a while that when we show up with this message, this truth, it changes people. It changes families. I’ve heard from many people that their choice of faith has caused them to be outcast in their societies and families. However, like many things in this life seeing it first hand made it real to me. It became more than a nameless story. It became a brother I stood along side being yelled at and pulled on. Persecution has a tangible face in my mind now. It became scenes in my mind that will never be erased. I wish I could say this was the only scene of its kind, but there were several more that occurred in these weeks. I’ll share more at another time.

As I sit back now. Here in comfortable American life these scenes still as real as ever in my mind seem so far removed. Countries apart. Thinking on them now my heart still aches. It makes me wonder how that man, and the other of our brothers and sisters in the midst of persecution, is faring. It makes me realize the importance of community and having others to stand beside, others to help you be strong. While my heart aches thinking of this man, my heart is also encouraged. Encouraged because I know that we did not leave him alone. Because even though we are here half a world away God is still alive and well in Ethiopia and God’s church is now alive and well in Surupa. Because I know that by God’s power there is now a fellowship there that this man and the other believers of Surupa can go to in order to grow and be strengthen. Looking back I see that a promise of prayer and a growing body of believers is the best thing we could have left these people with. I no longer feel like we left them surrounded by wolves waiting to attack. Instead I know we left them with a God who is strong, who will see them through the hardest days. And in my heart I never left them at all, I am standing along side them as their sister, praying that they will overcome the harshness of this world. They are overcomers and heaven only knows what they will accomplish.

First church service ever in Surupa

Stolen Hearts

Everything we experience in life has its share of moments both good and bad. Ministry is no exception. Every year we go to Ethiopia and in some ways the place feels like a wreck, but in others it feels like they have it all together. Their grasp of community continually overwhelms me. Their love is something almost inexpressibly beautiful. We have always seen the affects of poverty and obviously the basic repercussions of sin that you will see in all people, but I’ve had few interactions in which I’ve had to see the ugly side of this country. This year I had the sad opportunity to see the results of the fall are still alive and well in this country of my heart and that the relationships there can be just as broken as they are anywhere else. I have now seen more clearly than one would really want to, that even here the decisions others make are very capable of breaking relationships. All that said God has also shown that He has the amazing power to redeem these situations. Shown that in the midst of broken relationships and hearts he will bring new people, relationships, and opportunities.  In hindsight I have seen that had some of these situations not occurred all the things that happened during our time in Ethiopia would have been completely different, and I may have never been to Surupa, Ethiopia. And that my friends would have been a real shame. As I write this it strikes me that this post may seem incredibly vague due to a lack of details, but I pray that God would speak in spite of a somewhat vague theme. The reason for the background, as vague as it may be is to set up an excerpt from my journal and the lessons it has taught me, both then and as I have come home to reflect on it. I wrote this section of my journal after having a conversation with a few of my teammates about the happenings, which ultimately shaped the new direction of our teams’ work. As we talked and as my heart was wrenched by the topic of our conversation part of me immediately asked the question we so often ask God, “WHY?” Why do people have to fall? Why do relationships have to be broken? Why does all of this stuff have to hurt so dang much? As I later retreated to my room, to a somewhat sleepless night full of these types of questions God answered with one simple word: SIN. Of course, I thought to myself. This is sort of the answer we always know and then hope to add a thousand addendums and “but God” replies to. Instead of asking “But why?” I decided to ask, “So what do I do with this broken state we are in?” The answer was both simple and complex. The answer was to do exactly what He brought me to Ethiopia to do, love people and point them to Christ. In that moment I was overwhelmed with a sense of urgency. In that moment it was specifically for Ethiopia, later I would find revisions being made to that urgency. In response this is what I picked up my pen and wrote…

“Here we are in the land that has stolen our hearts. A land full of people who understand love and community. A land of orphans, widows, poverty and painful situations. Yet in the midst of it all, it is a place full of joy and love. A land full of overcomers, smiles, and laughter. It is here that we have fallen in love, some of us for the first time. Our hearts stood no chance. We should have seen it coming. The children standing in the doorways waving and smiling, the men in the fields plowing their crops, the women walking miles in their bright colors to get water for their families. In these moments, in their faces our hearts ran away never to return to us the same. As we look at them we would have it no other way. As each moment passes we only fall more in love with them, wishing we could stay forever living life with them. The day will come and we will have to go, but until then we will drink deeply of each moment. We will talk, laugh, cry, and learn to love more intensely than we ever thought possible. We will sing and dance and relish in these moments in which our hearts are continuing to be stolen and willingly given away, taking exceeding joy in the land our hearts now crave.”

Almost a week later sitting at my home back in Texas this response seems as appropriate as ever and the urgency pulls at my heart almost as clear as that broken night in a hotel room in Addis. Only as I now reflect I realize that the urgency is not just for Ethiopia, it’s for people. It’s for the people right here in the place God has me the other 11 months of the year. I have been overwhelmed again in the last week by the things God is stirring up in my own community. I am seeing, though not by any means for the first time, the result of broken relationships here but I’m also seeing the power of real love. I’m seeing the power of community. The power that comes with drinking deeply of each moment right here at home and having my heart stolen by the people God has me with each and every day. God is teaching me how to love America. That might sound strange to many of you, to others it will make perfect sense. Above all I guess the lesson I’m in the process of learning and would challenge you with would be to waste nothing, to love recklessly, to treasure each moment, and to give of yourself without holding anything back. I’m by no means perfect at any of these things, but so far just attempting them has brought more joy and fulfillment than even my long-winded words can describe.

Day 1– እግዜር ይስጥልኝ

As previously stated I am attempting to be better this year about sharing all that the Lord did in Ethiopia this year. Having said that I can honestly say that I am more anxious to share than I have ever been. Usually at this time I am dealing with reverse culture shock, which is often much more intense than it’s counterpart. This year I find myself struggling not to write out my entire journal and post it in this moment. Rather than hastily blurting it all out at once I will refrain a bit. I do want to take you through the entire journey. I will be quoting in many instances directly from my journal in an attempt to be as raw and unedited as possible, this with the hope that you could see honestly from my heart. I want to you to see all that the Lord has done and is doing, both in the country of Ethiopia and very personally with me. That second one sort of sounds completely frightening to me, but I’m learning that when God wants you to be real it’s better to stop being an idiot and obey Him. I don’t know why He wants me to share, but I can’t shake it. So rather than fighting I’m attempting surrender. If it’s anything like the last two weeks of my life have been He will prove true and overwhelmingly glorious, and I can’t wait to watch it play out. So welcome to my adventure, His adventure in me. Where better to start than day 1…

Ethiopia 6/28/2010: “And so it begins, day one in country. Currently sitting in a bus in the rain in Addis. Sitting here on this bus I may have just learned my favorite Amharic phrase: Xabier yeesteline.”

When we go on these trips we expect God to speak to us, to challenge us, change us. However, of all the things God could use I never anticipated He would speak directly to my soul in a language that was not even my own. On this, the first day in country the Lord bent down and spoke directly to me through the language of the people I was here to love. Even more so He taught me in a phrase that was coined for beggars. I was intrigued by this phrase so I did a little research with my Ethiopian friends. Xabier yeesteline is a phrase people say specifically to beggars, when one has nothing to give to them. It literally means, “May God provide on my behalf.” As I mulled this phrase and idea over in my mind I was overwhelmed. This still holds true as I sit at my computer screen back in Texas. We serve a God who is provider. Often when we go to countries like Ethiopia, and in all honesty even here in America we are overwhelmed by needs. We become paralyzed by where to start, thinking that one person can’t make a difference in all this mess, so we often do nothing. But, God calls us to action not just conversation, not just comfortable fellowship. In this phrase my heart was shaken. It was a good wake up call for day 1 in Ethiopia, and it’s a good wake up call as I sit here back in America. At times in our lives we may be left with nothing left to give but an ‘Xabier yeesteline’ but in other moments we are called to be the answer to the many ‘xabier yeestelines’ the broken people that surround us have been given their entire lives.

“What a powerful image of Christ. Even when we have nothing left to give these people, He comes and provides for them on our behalf. May we be for some of these the answer to the many ‘xabier yeesteline’ they have received in their lives.”

The Call

Ethiopia. Amazing as always. I always struggle with putting these experiences to words. I often find myself in the hours following my return, with the silly answer of, “Yeah, it was a great trip.” On this trip however God struck me with the importance of sharing my stories, of using my voice. A little time for digestion is always necessary, but I intend on speaking and sharing as often as I can about what the LORD has accomplished over these last two weeks. Mostly because what He did was something only He could accomplish, and nothing I had any power to do. He deserves all the glory, and lots of it. So here is an attempt at a first taste. It’s a bit raw, unedited, and written in a bus, on a dirt road in Africa, but I pray it serves as a window to my heart. God told me to share, so I trust He has a reason. Enjoy…

The call is clear. It holds no stipulations and has no contingency plans. It just is: GO! The eyes of children, affected by hunger and poverty and suffering of every kind and yet still so full of joy, beckon. The women, who work harder than anyone could imagine and yet are often left uneducated and unvoiced, call out. The men, who work relentlessly to provide and are often left in poverty praying their families survive, cry out from the depths of their souls. Come. Help. In their eyes the call is clearer than ever. Go! The call, which is echoed out, to the expanse of eternity from the aching depths of desperate souls now needs an answer. A plea for someone, anyone to answer back. I’m coming… In that answer joy is found. Hope is promised. Hearts are bound. Love is poured out without limitations or regrets. Sufferings, trials, and tears may not be banished forever by this answer, but momentarily they are overwhelmed by something greater. Hope. It is this hope mixed with love and truth, which changes the world. It is this blend that is set to shake the foundations and change lives forever. So as the journey moves forward under this banner of truth and love that call continues ringing out to the farthest corners of creation. Until finally it comes, the thing longed for since the beginning. Here I am… Comfort has no place here. Only obedience. In this answer lives, necessities, and love are redefined. In this moment everything has more meaning. Now nothing matters but the call, the people, the answer, and the actions it produces. With those three words, so easy yet so complex, nothing will ever be the same. Adventure, love, suffering, and joy wait. And I would never choose anything else. Here I am…

looking in for healing

Sometimes you just want the pain to go away and it won’t. Sometimes being introspective is the most frightening thing in the world, because when you really quiet yourself and look inward all it brings up is pain. Because when you look intently inward you often see things long covered over and buried. Things buried for good reason. But maybe now it’s time. Time to face the monsters long hibernating in the caves of your heart and soul. Maybe, just maybe if we face them head on we will no longer have anything to fear. Maybe the pain will be a breeding ground for healing and freedom. Maybe the silence of God will give way to intimacy and He will be more real than ever. Time to embrace moments of silence, hours of lingering discomfort, days of confronting things hard to face, that the result may be beautiful peace and freedom from things we had long since forgotten were holding us captive.

shouts to surrender

“Pain is God’s megaphone. He whispers to us in our joys, speaks to us in our conscience, and shouts to us in our pain.” C.S. Lewis

Pain… I think that I’ve yet to meet a person on the planet who has not struggled at some point with the problem of pain. There are plenty of words that are easily associated with pain. One word that I have recently learned to associate with pain is this… longing. We live in a world filled with it. We daily walk through a culture that is so saturated with instant gratification that we are often left with hollow, corpses of people interacting at surface level seeking the next moment that they will be briefly fulfilled. In the pit of it all there is that deep longing that persists and will not be silenced. We who are believers still experience longing, sometimes brief, sometimes overwhelming. The thing about longings is they are never really quenched. In very nature and definition, longings are things that persist and are not satisfied.
The topic of longing and hungering for something is somewhat new to me in certain aspects, but lately it has been one megaphone in which God has screamed quite a few things in my direction. I’ve learned that longings, rather than being a cause of complete devastation, are a cause for surrender.
It is funny to me the things that God will ask for as a sacrifice. For Abraham, it was his firstborn, the seed of his promise. For the widow, it was her last two coins. For a boy in a field it was his lunch. For me as of late, it has been a sacrifice of heart, longings, and dreams. It is interesting how hard it can be to let go of longings you never wished to open yourself up to in the first place. However, when God calls for the sacrifice to be made you are left with two options: hold on, or surrender. Surrender as it seems to me would be the best option, because while surrender may lead to pain it will always ultimately lead to something even more glorious than we could have imagined. Along with the choice of surrender the option for bitterness is left wide open. At times the desire to shrivel up and rely on self, to shut out the world, seems so temping. Yet, as I am in the process of learning, a little bit of transparency and openness with those God provides to help get you through is one of the most valuable things that come along with the trial.
As I am moving through the process of surrender I’m finding one resounding theme: GOD IS FAITHFUL! When you decide to make the choice to sacrifice the longings of the heart He begins to change the temperature and mood of your heart. He transforms the pain, the longing, the hollow desire to escape feeling and emotions. He makes them something so much more than the longing could have ever been in the first place, had it been fulfilled. If you will allow Him to do so, He will transform the longing into a deep seeded desire, hunger, and yearning for Himself. The amazing thing about this type of yearning is that He is more than happy to fill it to overflowing time and time again. The once hollow shell of unsatisfied longing, is replaced by a depth that is replenished daily. I’m certain that the pain and the trials and the temptation to return to the longing may linger. I suppose that’s why our lives are a process and why we must continue to die to self daily. I by no means have this all figured out, but so far this is what I have seen to be true. Love you all. Praying that each of you will be strong as you daily face the world in which we live. May we all bring him glory in every moment as we navigate this life together. May we not be afraid of a little transparency from time to time and realize God has put us all together for a reason.

“Then you shall call, and the LORD will answer; you shall cry, and He will say, ‘Here I am.’” Isaiah 58:9

jumping in the lap of God– and resting there a while

I have been scolded many times lately for my lack of sharing of my writing so here is a taste of some of my latest thoughts.

I love my 3 year olds. Every single Sunday morning I get to spend a glorious hour and a half with them and every time I walk away with another beautiful glimpse of how glorious our Father God is. This Sunday was no exception. Hope this encourages you the way it did me when I wrote it…

It is amazing what picking up and rocking a weeping child will do. When I have kids who come in and are completely inconsolable all I have to do is scoop them up in my arms and instinctively their head falls into the crook of my neck. As their last few tears run down their face and fall gently on my back they are overwhelmed by this sense that they will be okay. Their labored heavy breathing becomes lighter, their loud wailings are calmed to a gentle whimper, until all of it fades to a calm silence.

Sunday, after just one more occurrence of this happening in my classroom, God spoke in that still small voice. The gentle whisper serving as a reminder that this is exactly what God does with us. In the moments where we are completely broken, God bends down on His knee and scoops us up. He rocks us like a child who is gently weeping until we are finally so quieted and at peace that we know things will be just fine, because our loving Abba, God has us in His everlasting, unfailing arms.

Lately it seems, as though there have been plenty of moments where I have been reminded of my broken state as a human. I love that the Lord looks down at us in our brokenness and rather than being completely disgusted by what He sees and turning away, He opens up His arms waiting for me to open mine and jump into His lap.

In the times over the last few months where obstacles have seemed insurmountable, pain has been an inescapable part of reality, and uncertainty seems like status quo; God has reached down multiple times and in that quiet, yet beautiful whisper of a voice called me as a child to himself. I must say there is nothing in the world quite like being held by our heavenly Father. While His arms may not be physical arms, resting there is the most peaceful place I have found in my lifetime.

I suppose my goal here is just to remind you of that, and to share with you a brief sliver of what God has been showing me. In the moments where pain seems more real than anything else, where tears seem like a daily practice, and where the right words never seem to come, know that Your Father is there. His arms are outstretched. He is bending down, and calling to you by name. Your Daddy wants to rock you gently, as your last tears roll down His back, and you are overwhelmed by His peace. Love you all.

“Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times in every way. The Lord be with you all.”
—2 Thessalonians 3:16